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Even though my hair has been getting darker over the years and I'm not as blonde as I used to be, I was born a blonde so I think I still have the right to enjoy blonde jokes if I want to... right? So, here are some of the ones that I've got in my extensive collection. I hope you get a laugh or two!

Enunciate Clearly, please!

Two tourists were driving through Louisiana.

As they were approaching Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch.

As they stood at the counter, one tourist asked the blonde employee, "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are...very slowly?"

The blonde girl leaned over the counter and said, 

"Burrrrrrrr, gerrrrrrr, Kiiiiing.

Redecorating...

A blonde decided to redecorate her bedroom. She wasn't sure how many rolls of wallpaper she would need, but she knew that her blonde friend from next door had recently done the same job and the two rooms were identical in size.

"Buffy," she said, "how many rolls of wallpaper did you buy for your bedroom?"

"Ten," said Buffy.

So the blonde bought the ten rolls of paper and did the job, but she had 2 rolls leftover.

"Buffy," she said. "I bought ten rolls of wallpaper for the bedroom, but I've got 2 leftover!"

"Yes," said Buffy. "So did I."

Warning To All Ladies!

Don't let this happen to you.
SEND THIS WARNING TO EVERYONE ON YOUR EMAIL LIST.

IF A MAN COMES TO YOUR FRONT DOOR AND SAYS HE IS CONDUCTING A SURVEY AND ASKS YOU TO SHOW HIM YOUR BOOBS, DO NOT SHOW HIM YOUR BOOBS.

THIS IS A SCAM. HE ONLY WANTS TO SEE YOUR BOOBS.

I wish I'd gotten this yesterday. I feel so stupid.

Signed,
     The Blonde

Ice Fishing

A blonde decided she needed something new and different for a winter hobby. She went to the bookstore and bought every book she could find on ice fishing. For weeks she read and studied, hoping to become an expert in the field. Finally she decided she knew enough, and out she went for her first ice fishing trip.

She carefully gathered up and packed all the tools and equipment needed for the excursion. Each piece of equipment had its own special place in her kit. When she got to the ice, she found a quiet little area, placed her padded stool, and carefully laid out her tools. Just as she was about to make her first cut into the ice, a booming voice from the sky bellowed,

"There are  no fish under the ice!"

Startled, the blonde grabbed up all her belongings, moved further along the ice, poured some hot chocolate from her thermos, and started to cut a new hole. Again the voice from
above bellowed,

"There are no fish under the ice!"

Amazed, the blonde wasn't quite sure what to do, as this certainly wasn't covered in any of her books. She packed up her gear and moved to the far side of the ice. Once there, she stopped for a few moments to regain her calm. Then she was extremely careful to set everything up perfectly --  tools in the right place, chair positioned just so. Just as she was about to cut this new hole, the voice came again,

"There are no fish under the ice!"

Petrified, the blonde looked skyward and asked "Is that you Lord?"

The voice boomed back, "No, this is the manager of the skating rink! 

 

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Last modified: May 03, 2006 08:34 AM